Death of an Angel
by rachie1277
Summary: My name is Clare Edwards. I was 15 years old when I killed myself. People looked at me like I was a beauty queen, but inside... I am a ugly creature who does not deserve to live. this is my story.    first fanfic... please give it a chance  :
1. Chapter 1DOAA

_chapter 1- my beginning_

***okay, well this is my FIRST **fan fiction so be nice (: and don't kill me for what im doing. soo, when i started writing this story i just kinda started and it went from there. Then my friend gave me a very grand ideer. soo, this story is based on the movie 'The Lovely Bones' but with my own twist. again please don't hate me. lastly. find 'Rachellovesyou6' her stories are awe-stuck! lol read && review. ThAnKs! (:

name- Clare D. Edwards

gender-female

Date Of Birth- June 15, 1995

height/weight- 5'3~ 127

eye color-blue

hair color- reddish, brown, or auburn

Cause of death- over dose of drugs and alcohol.

My name is Clare Edwards. I was born June 15, 1995. I was 15 years old, when I died, or should I say, killed myself. Now you are wondering 'why?'. Well here you have it.

The first day of school is what changed my life forever. My sophomore year. The year of love, trust, heartbreak, and death. Of course i didn't expect anything out of the 'norm' to happen that year. But a person can be wrong. I found my best friend, and the love of my life, and a new 'disliking' for some people *cough Fitz cough cough*

But this is how my story begins...

_**I**__t was the first day of school, and like-almost-every kid, I was NOT excited at all. School, 3 more years in this dump, homework, and other girls drama i have to listen to. I groaned before rubbing my eyes and getting out of bed. After i got dressed and did my hair and make-up i went down-stairs to eat._

"_So, are you excited for your first day of school?" My mother asked after I put a piece of wheat bread into the toaster and grabbing the butter from the fridge. _

"_Oh yeah, real excited. I just can't wait" I said sarcasticly. My mother just laughed a little while sipping at her coffee. The toaster then dinged and the half burnt-just the way i like it- toast came out. I grabbed a plate and butter knife placing the toast on the plate and buttered it. _

_I quickly ate my toast as we headed out the front door to my mothers car. By the time we were halfway to school i had finished my toast. We soon arrived to Degrassi High School. _

"_Okay honey. have a good day" she said while i was getting out of the car. I just sighed and waved of a little for my response. I turned around and started walking up the steps of Degrassi. As i was walking through the halls i spotted my best-friend Alli walking towards me._

"_Alli!" i yelled loud enough for her to hear. "Clare!" she yelled back running, almost sprinting, towards me. "Oh God Clare! It feels like it has been forever since the last time i saw you!" she said giving me a hug. "I know! We need to hang out, Like, Right after school" i said hugging her back. we ended the hug and she said _

"_Sure thing Clare, The Dot?" she asked "of course" i said. i smiled and waved at her as we went to our separate classes. My next class what adv. English, Mrs. Dawes, my favorite teacher. I have had her my freshman year, for my first semester. When I got to my class I noticed I was the first person there. I walked into the class and greeted Mrs. Dawes. She smiled brightly at me as I walked away to pick a seat. After, like, two minutes kids started coming in, one by one. I recognized some faces but most of them i had no clue who they were. 'Great' I said to myself. When half the class came in one kid caught my eye. he was walking slowly to the side of the classroom that i was on. he was wearing all black-unlike the others, they were wearing very colorful clothing- black pants, black shirt that says something like dead hand? oh! Dead Hand like the band. He had on thick wrist bands and his hair was even black, well more like a really, really, dark brown, but who's looking? When he got close enough you could see his eyes. Wow. Those eyes, I don't even know the guy and his eyes are to die for. Before he sat down he looked down at me and gave me this half smile *cough sexy cough, what?* like a smirk, another thing to die for. What am i some kind of stalker? Psht no, not me. _

_For class all Mrs. Dawes did was talk about 'expectations' and stuff we were going to be doing this year. This is why i HATE the first day of school. All you do is sit and listen, maybe do a easy worksheet but thats never fun. The first day of school never seems to end. I glanced at the clock. What the.. ughh. It has only been like 15 minutes in the class so far and it already felt like a whole frickin school day. After awhile I started dosing off and the next thing you knew you heard the bell indicating to go to their next class. i got up and accidently bumped into the guy dressed in black._

"_Oh.. um... sorry..." i said in a whisper looking down. ''Come on Clare is it really that hard to say 'sorry''. well it is when there is a cute guy standing in front of you.. snap out of it Clare!'_

"_It's fine" he said smirking at me. As I was just about to walk around him he said something "the name's Eli" he said once again smirking at me. "Clare" I said looking down at my feet to hide the blush creeping up on my already light pink cheeks. "See you around?"_

"_s-sure" i stuttered. He smirked and walked away from me. I waited a few moments before walking out myself. 'Nice going Clare, mind as well wear a cone on your head.. stupid, stupid, stupid' I said to myself walking to my next class. The rest of the day i could not concentrate on anything but our- if you want to call it- conversation._

_After school-finally- i meet up with Alli at The Dot. We ate burgers and fries while telling each other about our summers and today. I did not have much to say counting on all the so called 'fun' i had during summer-reading, writing, babysitting for my aunt fun right?- but Alli all she was is busy... 'I went here' and 'I went there' i don't see how she made all of the activities she did fit into one summer. I would of had spent my summer with Alli if she was'nt my only-real-friend and she was'nt so busy._

***okay, good... i hope so? i was up like all night writing this soo dont judge me if its bad (: thats bout it* read && review.. not haters please (: ThAnKs! (:**


	2. Chapter 2DOAA

Chapter 2- gone.

***okay… soo how'd you like the last chapter? I had fun writing it and I know it is short, im working on making my chapters longer. This one is a little shot to but that's okay, right? Anyways read&review* **

Now that you know some things me, you are probably wondering where im at. Well the truth is I don't even know. Im in some kind of land, like real life but _way _different. The clouds seemed to always be pink, and after every 5 minutes the sky would be bright and sunny to a dark night. This new place is confusing, and lonely. I had no clue where I was. Was it heaven? What is this place? Wherever I am, im confused. I've been here for a few days and the only thing that seems to comfort me is this gazebo. The gazebo that was placed right in the middle of the small mall in town. The gazebo that was here when I first arrived-in which I just woke up here lying in the gazebo-

I was walking through the woods. These woods seemed to be a mile long, but I kept going anyways. After about 2 minutes the trees cleared out and all I saw was land. I kept walking. A few more steps, a blink of the eye, in the woods again. I've been in these 'new' woods for about 5 minutes. Walking, by myself. I started hearing noises, I followed the noise. I saw a girl, about 12, maybe younger? She was now walking towards me. She was short. Had light brown hair pulled back into a pony tail with small hair clips holding back the hairs that would not stay in the hair band. She was wearing a purple shirt and dark jeans her shoes seemed worn out and very dirty as if she had been walking a lot-alone- herself.

When she was about 20 feet away from me I said "hey" trying to get her attention. She just kept walking. "Who are you?" I asked. She looked up at me and smiled as if she had gotten a new puppy. "Hi, im Madison, but call me Maddie". I looked at her and smiled too. "What is this place? Is it heaven?" I asked slowly and curious. She replied with "no silly, this is the in-between" she said knowingly. "so, where are you going?" I asked. "To The Sacred Tree. It's the tree that leads to heaven" she replied. I had nothing to say after that I just kept walking the way I was going. "Hey! Where are you going? Aren't you going to The Sacred Tree?" she asked. I had to think about this for a second. I had no clue what to do. I was not ready to go to this tree or whatever. "Um, no. I don't think I am ready yet" was all I said. I felt like I had to do something. But I could not figure out what I needed to do.

The next thing I knew was that this girl I just met was walking with me. I didn't know where I was going. We both didn't. I don't know why she followed me, but it felt good having someone to be there with you after being so lonely for days.

I started thinking. Over thinking. Thinking about my family. About Eli. I started thinking what it would be like if I was still alive or not even born. I started thinking about the last one mostly. If I was not born, no one would get hurt, I wouldn't have gotten hurt. I thought about this for awhile then I started thinking about Eli again. What is he doing? How is he taking this?

When we had gotten out of the woods there was a pond. We slowly, but surely got to the pond. There was a small lining of sand surrounding it. When we got to the sandy part I sat down right above where the water met the sand, so I wouldn't get wet. I looked in the pond, blankly, thinking. I saw a bunch of small fish swim in a circle and continue going around. I started thinking about Eli again. Staring into the pond the water rippled and a picture started coming through, like one of those dream ripple things. I soon saw Eli.

There he was. Sitting in the corner if his room, knees pulled up to his chest, head bowed. The picture in the pond started moving. He was crying, well sobbing. His shoulders were bouncing up and down like you do when you cry so hard and long you cant breath. I won't regret killing myself. It was to late for that. But to see him like this just wanted me to come back to him.

Suddenly he looked up. Eyes blood shot as if he had been crying for hours. Cheeks streaked down to his jaw. He looked a mess.

He wiped his eyes, and then rubbed them, blinking wildly. It's like he could see me or something. I felt like it.

I heard a faint echoing of a noise at the same time his lips moved.

"Clare?" just as he said this he started crying hysterically "what?… How?" I whispered to myself forgetting that Maddie was still here. "Huh?" she asked looking at me with a confused face. "But… The pond... Eli… didn't you see?" I asked the last part looking at her. She looked at me like I was crazy. I looked back at the pond with tears wanting to come out. It was gone. He was gone.

***soooo? Lol I had fun writhing this and I hope you liked reading it. I know I could have wrote more in this chapter but its passed midnight and I woke up at like 10 this morning so yeah- don't judge me I need my sleep XD- so yeahh.. Read&review (:***

**Read 'Rachellovesyou6' stories that ****AWE-STRUCK!**


	3. Chapter 3DOAA

_Chapter 3- can you see me?_

***I hoped you liked the last chapter. And a little note, I will Not be updating like bi-weekly or whatever, I will update as soon as I finished a chapter so it could be a few hours, a day, or a week, it just depends* Read&&Review.. **

**Ps**

**What do you think of Maddie?**

After my little Eli incidence, I have been tense. We left the pond awhile ago. I could no longer take this silence…

"So, how did you die?" I asked Maddie trying to break the silence. It felt weird asking this question, it's not every day you go and ask someone how they died. "Huh? Oh, uh… well, my dad abused me. He'd slap me, and punch me. I've been in the hospital like six times because of him. A few weeks ago, when I died, he completely lost it. He got really drunk and beat me to death." she replied with a straight tone. "Oh…" was all I said. There was really not much I could say. "So, how did _you_ die?" she asked slowly. I licked my now dry lips not wanting to tell her the whole story. "I, um, I killed myself" I said sort of nervously. "Really? Why?" she asked shocked. "Well it was my, kinda, sort of, boyfriends fault. Well ex-boyfriend if you want to put it that way. I just couldn't take it anymore. All I needed was space and all he does is try to pull me closer. But I don't blame it _all_ on him. Just a year before his ex-girlfriend died. But that doesn't change anything. But it wasn't his entire fault either. My sister was the closest thing I had to family, but she moved halfway across the world. My mom and dad were always fighting-now there getting a divorce- and… yeah" I realized I was rambling; I stopped and took a breath. "It's a really long story" I ended. "It's okay, you don't have to tell it all, and I understand" she said glancing over at me. I just nodded and kept walked, still not know what it is that im looking for.

Soon it got dark and you knew it was night because it stayed dark for awhile. With the moon and stars as out only light we started walking to the gazebo in the middle of a wheat field. Halfway though the wheat field it started turning into water-told you this place was confusing but I was starting to get use to it- the strangest part of it, though, was I was walking on the water. We reached the gazebo. I was so tired. I laid down on the-now soft- ground of the gazebo. Closing my eyes and sleeping…

_What am I doing here, in Eli's room? Am I dreaming?_

"_Just go away…" I heard Eli's sad voice say. "No, Eli, I won't go. You need to get out of your room and do something for once" I heard Adam's voice. "No, Adam, I can't and I won't. Just go home and leave me alone!" Eli said annoyingly. 'What's going on?' I though to myself. "Adam, what's going on here?" I said walking up to him. He just stood there looking down at Eli. "Hello? Adam?" I said while waving my hand in front of his face. Huh? As I was still waving my hand in front of his face he reached up to itch his nose and before I could move my hand away, his hand went through my wrist. Wait what? "Eli, come on! It's been over a month! Clare is not coming back! Get yourself back together!" Adam shouted to Eli who was still on the floor. Then Eli looked up. His hair was a mess and he had bags under his eyes. He was a complete mess; I can't stand to see him like this. _

_Somehow Adam persuaded Eli to get up, get a shower and go out. When they left to where ever they were going I went with them, not that they would know…_

_They were going to The Dot. I slipped out the door before Adam shut it. When Eli walked in Adam followed suit, the door shut right on my face. But nothing happened I just went right through it. I then realized that im a ghost or something. No one can hear or see me. _

_Eli walked to the back of the café, into a booth where there are no windows. Adam walked over there and sat across from him. I had to; I had to sit by Eli. I had to be close to him one last time. I walked over to their booth and sat next to him. It was weird, as soon as I sat down he shivered and I saw goose bumps crawl up his arm-the weather was perfect in and outside- , strange. "Adam, I just don't know what to do, I can't get over her you know? She was so close to me. I just… I just…cant" he said that last part with a shaky voice then bowed his head in his arms and started-silently- crying choking on sobs after a minute. I can't do this._

_I walked to the door and out of instinct, I-tried- to grab it, but failed when my hand just went through it. I stepped through the door and blinked my eyes and realized that I had _woken up.

I rubbed my eyes and realized that it was not a dream but what was happening to Eli right now. I sat up and looked out only to see water, water everywhere. I was thinking about Eli once again. How he looked so horrid. How he seemed like he can't live a day without thinking or wanting me. I never realized how much he needed me. The last thing that went through my mind was how all of the sudden Eli got those goose-bumps. The weather was perfect even in the restaurant it felt good. Did he feel me? There's no way. I'm not a ghost, am I? That explains it. That explains how Eli could see- or hear- me. That day when he said my name. When he got those goose bumps. Maybe some of my unanswered and unasked questions will unravel and ill move on, maybe.

***okay I know, not my best chapter. When I was writing the chapter it sounded better in my head then it did on here. Anyways please review and ill love you forever (:* **


	4. Chapter 4DOAA

_Chapter 4- my new world, for now_

***So I hoped you liked chapter 3? And come on you guys! I need some reviews and then I'll end up writing more and posting more! Aha anyways ReAd&& don't forget to ****ReViEw****! Love you guys he he* read 'Rachellovesyou6' fanfics! There awe-struck I high recommend you search for her and read her fanfics! :3**

"So… when are you going to go to The Sacred Tree?" Maddie asked. I shrugged my shoulders "I don't know… I still have that feeling like something's missing inside me, but I still cant figure it out…yet" we were silent for awhile, and still walking.

This place was amazing, you could walk for hours, and hours and not get tired. You could go forever without any food or water. It seems like the only thing you can do in the In Between is have fun. Right now we were walking through snow and about a couple thousand feet away from a mountain.

The walk there did not take long at all. It felt like minutes. When we arrived to the top of the mountain there was a sled made for two people-coincidence?-. Maddie, being a 12 year old and all, squealed with excitement while running over to the sled. She quickly sat down and gripped the rope and turned around smiling at me. "Well, are you comin'?" she asked still smiling hugely. I sighed obnoxiously to mess around with her. We both started laughing while I ran over and sat behind her gripping the built in handle bars. "Are you ready?" she asked, but before I could answer her she already took off.

We were going up and down hills with no problem, like a water slide or rollercoaster, it felt like flying, and the next thing you knew, we were, we were going airborne. I got scared that when we landed it would be hard and that it would hurt, but it wasn't it was a very, very, soft landing, like feather. We both were screeching with excitement and yelling from all the 'butterflies' that we got while going down hill, like that feeling you get when you're in a car and it goes down a hill really fast, exactly like that

We were going over hills of all sorts of colors, green, blue, pink, and purple. It was beautiful. The sled started slowing down and we made a complete stop between the pink and green snow. Maddie got a big clump of snow in her hands; she looked at me and shrugged before popping the pink snow in her mouth. Her eyes got wide and started licking her lips obnoxiously

"You HAVE to try this!" I gave her a questioning look while she pointed to the snow. I bent down and picked up a pink clump and licking it. It was ice-cream! Strawberry and very delicious. I turned around to the green and popped a clump of that into my mouth. Mint. Mmmm. I could get use to this place.

We started walking once again. Just talking aimlessly at different subjects about people, school, our live behind us and our spirit before us. Eating the very colorful and yummie ice-cream.

***okay, yeahh, I know it's short but I got stuck at the ending XD. These next few chapters are going to be what it is like at the place Clare is at and her family and stuff***

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! **

**PS**

**There will be a sequel all in Eli's POV. And I think by now you've figured out this is all in Clare's POV… but if you didn't then this is all in Clare's POV d:**


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter 5-Don't realize a good thing till it's gone._

***welp here is chapter 5, not much to say but I get it if you didn't like the last chapter and it was REALLY short like 600 or 700 words short so I apologize for that and I'll try to make this one and the next ones longer for you (:* ReAd&&-don't forget please- ReViEw thanks (:**

Weather is more unpredictable here then it is on Earth. From snow, to utter hotness of the summer to now, fall. walking down pathways between trees of orange and yellow. The wind was blowing so smoothly between the trees and our hair. Both of us smiling at the pathway before us. Not one word or sound spilling from our mouths, just the music of the wind and the ruffles of the leaves moving against each other. Pure and utter peace.

The wind, blowing strong and hard, leaves falling from the trees to the ground just for the wind to blow and swoop them up again. Circulating in the air, then falling, then circulating again, over and over. The wind turned from peaceful music to someone's words, my mothers. All this is weird, when I sleep I 'go to the real world' but as a 'ghost', and occasionally see Eli. Was it happening again? The words I hear throughout the wind, are they real?

"_I cant handle this anymore, why did she have to go?" _I heard my mothers voice. I stiped and looked over at Maddie. "Maddie, did you hear that?" I asked her. "hear what?" she looked at me like I was slightly crazy, I think im starting to. "those voices? Did you hear them?" I paused making sure I really did hear it. "nope" she said walking once again. _"it's okay mom, she's in a better place, it's okay, it's okay"_ Darcy? She was home. _"no its not okay, Darcy, I just miss her so much" _I heard my moms voice again.

This sort of made me mad. I don't mind hearing or seeing my family, its just that when I die my sister comes. I had not seen her in years, my birthday, holidays, she never came. And I hope she regrets not being here with us, with me. Yes, I miss her more than anything and im happy to see her-theoretically speaking- but it does not help. Watch once my mom gets over me, she'll go back to Kenya and forget about the rest of the family until they die.

Just like it started, the voices were gone. I then realized how much I miss the comfort in my mothers voice, even if it is sad. How much I missed my sister. You never realize a good thing till it's gone. My mother, sister, and I were all feeling that feeing. But it's to late to go back, not that I want to of course.

I don't want these people to miss me, they don't need to, im not that important. Well, to Eli I might have been. But my mother and Darcy, there's no need. I was never close to my mom, never. When I needed help, she was never there, and now, she never will be.

And Darcy, we use to be close. But then she got to high school. She ignored me and was never home. She was either out with her-I thought then- stupid boyfriend or at cheer practice. Which i still think is dumb.

The sky was turning to very pretty colors. the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Light pink covered with purple and blue turning into the night sky. I saw the gazebo in the distance. We were walking towards it to end out day with a peaceful sleep-I hope-. I sometimes wonder if Maddie has the 'dreams' like I do.

By the time we reached the gazebo the starless sky was pitch black. We walking into the gazebo and as soon as we laid down the floor got soft. It took me awhile to get the courage to close my eyes and drift to sleep, I was afraid, afraid of seeing Eli like he was the first time I saw him. The first few days I was here that never happened. I wonder if Eli didn't know until yesterday, or if I didn't go there when I first got here? Then again I did not really sleep the first week. I finally got the courage and closed my eyes drifting-slowly-asleep.

_Here I was in this ghost form, again. I was walking empty hallways with grey carpet and white walls and ceilings. I recognized this place but didn't know from where. I made a turn and opened a random door that led to a huge room. The room was filled with little cubby like offices with people in them typing on there computers and answer phone calls. The never ending noise of phones ringing was getting very annoying. _

_On the outside of the cubby offices were name tags in A,B,C order. I got down to the E's and saw Edwards. I peeked my head in out of curiosity. It was my father. He looked annoyed and unfocused. He had big and puffy bags under his eyes. His hair was ruffled, very unlike him. He stopped typing and put his elbows on the desk while rubbing his temples. _

_Suddenly there was a 'ding ding dong' noise coming from above that scared me a bit. Then a woman's voice "will Randal Edwards come to the managers office please? Randal Edwards to the manages office" I looked over at my father who sighed and got up out of his desk walking slowly to the managers office. I followed him. When he walked in there was a slightly older man dressed in a black suite with a silver and white striped tie. He had grey, well white hair and was sitting at his desk, which had two chairs in front of the man. _

"_please, sit down… you might want to" the man said gesturing to one of the chairs in front of him. My father had a curious expression on his face while taking the few steps to the chair and sitting down. _

"_I know about your daughter, and I know this is a tough time for you. But that is no excuse for cutting back. You use to be one of the best here. You were responsible, nice to consumers, and just the one of the best. But you've been cutting back, a lot. I've gave you about a million chances to get your act together, but now, there are no more. I'm sorry Randal, but, you're fired" my father and I both gasped as soon as he said this. This man had to be heartless! His daughter died a fricking week ago! _

"_no, please, sir don't. I need this job. I can do better I promise. Please just one more chance, I'll prove to you I can change." my dad begged. When he said those words they struck me hard. Those were like the words Eli was saying to me. My heart-if I still had one- broke a little more inside remembering that day._

" _I bet you could….. I'm sorry Randal." and that was it. It was over for my dad. His wife, job, and daughter. Gone. Within four months he lost the most important things to him. He walked back to his small cubby office and gathered the most important things he had in there. I noticed he still had a picture of all of us. This was taken a few years ago when I had my long hair and glasses. It was a happy Sunday summer morning. All of us dressed up for church. Someone had taken a photo of all of us for the church paper thing. This time, we had real smiles, having a fun day. I remember that day like it was yesterday_

_He found a small box and started putting as many pictures and small knick knacks he could into the box. He left the office and started walking fast to his car. It was hard to keep up with him, being able to walk through walls was a big help. _

_When he got to the car he tried opening the door but failed at doing so because it was locked. He angrily took out his keys and shoved it into the car lock, un-locking it, getting in, and slamming the door shut. I went around the car and slid into the passenger side of the car. He had his head on the steering wheel letting him calm himself. _

_Me being the comforting type of person, tried, to comfort my dad my rubbing his back. How did that go? Not to so well. My hand went through his back. Not the greatest technique used. I sighed and placed my hands into my lap. _

_He started the car and took off heading into the direction of our house. We were getting to my neighborhood, he usually would slow down to turn but never did. He kept driving. He turned down Eli's street and pulling into Eli's drive way. He sighed while turning off the car and getting out. I was getting nervous and got out with him. He went up to the door and knocked. CeCe answerd the door only to look curiously at him. "hey Mr. Edwards. What are you doing here?" CeCe asked. "im here to see Eli, do you mind?" my father asked sadly. "um, sure, on sec" she closed the door and you could hear murmurs on the inside. The door suddenly opened to see Eli standing there. Wearing his green Dead Hand shirt and black sweats. _

_Eli looked strangely at my father. "can we talk?" my father asked. Eli sighed and sat down on a step. My father followed suite. "I guess, what about?" as Eli was saying this his voice started fading away. My father started speaking but I heard nothing. The world around me started fading away, and soon I was to. I saw black. Then I woke up_

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Looking around me thinking 'what just happened, that did not just happened!'

***haha I bet you hate me for the ending? I know I would ha. I wonder what Clare's dad was talking to Eli about? Hmm? Well I dunn… but I dunno youre going to hate me when I say this but. You wont find out until the sequal, ^mouth drop^ haha anyways please read and review and I think this chapter is my best so far.. What do you think? Tell me in your reviews***


	6. Chapter 6

_Chapter 6- dead, but alive_

***heyy you guyesss… I need some reviews, I feel like my story is stupid now ****L anyway… what cha think of the last chapter? Hmmm? And I know you kinda hate me for the ending… well in the sequel you will know what they were talking about***

**ReAd&&ReViEw**

When I woke up I tried going back asleep immediately, but I couldn't. I tried really hard. I tried counting sheep, no help, I tried different positions, no help, and nothing I did helped. I started walking around, fast walking, running. Nothing but getting burning muscles. I guess I though if I ran I would get tired, you know how strange this place can be.

"What are you doing?" Maddie asked curiously, yet laughing. "You'll think I'm crazy…" I said walking slowly towards Maddie. "No I won't, come on, tell me" she begged as I sat down on the hard floor of the gazebo. "when I'm asleep, its like, I can see what's going on in real life, like, I'm a ghost or something, I can do anything and no one can see or hear me" I said looking at her as if she new exactly what I was talking about. "I do that to. But it's a little different for me. It's hard to explain" she said, she seemed relieved that she was not going crazy or something.

We started walking. Walking. It seems like that's all we did. We walked everywhere. We decided to walk to the lake and see what's changed there. This place changes all the time, that's what makes it exciting.

When we arrived to the lake the new things were a huge water fall, and… slides. Hmmm… this could be fun. I looked over at Maddie and she was already looking at me. We both broke out into smiles, smiles from ear-to-ear. "Race ya?" I said fast. She nodded her head. "1, 2, 3... Go!" I said slowly at first and as soon as I said go; we both sped off towards the lake. The sand bank was now it sight and I saw a dock over to the side, not too far off. I ran towards it. I ran as fast as I could and jumped off. "CANNON BALL!" I screamed while I was in the air, holding my legs as tight as I could. It felt like flying until I felt warm water surround me. I opened my eyes and all I saw was bubbles, bubbles everywhere, very small bubbles. When the bubbles started to clear out I was greeted with a loud splash and thousands more of tiny bubbles. I swam up and gasped in air, then seconds later Maddie came,

As soon as Maddie wiped the water from her eyes I started busting out laughing, then her. Our laughs faded off and Maddie started had a devious grin on her face. "What?" I said trying to act scared. Seconds later, "WATER FIGHT!" she yelled and started furiously pushing her fists into the water making it splash up into my face getting in to my eyes and mouth. I started doing the same. We soon stopped and started swimming around.

I was just laying on my back letting the water drift me off the wherever. This is nice. I missed this. Being able to relax. The peace and calm was amazing. That was until Maddie flipped me. But I didn't mind. "Come on. Let's go." I could tell she was getting bored. But now I realize I was to. "Okay" I said looking at her and smiling. We stayed for a few extra minutes to dry off. "Have fun?" I asked, but I knew the answer. "Yes!" she said. We both started laughing. "Did YOU have fun?" she asked with a little sarcasm in her voice. "Yes, but I have to admit I liked the sledding a little more, plus that ice-cream, or snow, was soo good." we both started laughing.

When we found the gazebo-which was in a different spot then when we left- we decided to just sit and talk. "You know," I started "I haven't had this much fun in such a long time… I feel, free" I said with a smile, but yet a small sadness in my voice. "Was it really that hard for you, when you were alive?" she asked me with a serious expression. I knew right then that this conversation was going to be a long and serious one. "Actually, it was. I never had time to myself. I was always busy. I had some fun, but since Fitz came, and all the drama I never had fun the last-almost-year of my life." I said looking around and fiddling with my fingers.

"Well, I never really had that much fun when I was alive." she said looking at me.

"Your father" I whispered. "Yeah, since I was about 5 or 6, he abused me" she said sadly. "I'm really sorry" I said, I really didn't know what exactly to say. "Its okay I guess. It's all over for me and I can finally be happy" she said lighting up the mood. "What he did was not fair though, but like they say, life's not fair. I think everyone has the figure that out the hard way." I said while laying back and closing my eyes.

I opened my eyes to see her looking at the flowers that surrounded the gazebo, smiling.

"What?" I asked her, what _is_ she doing? "You know Clare, you're the best friend I could ever have, I never had, good friends, but you are the best." she said making me smile. "Well, I'm glad I am." I said closing my eyes once again.

Soon enough the night sky had taken over. This day has gone so fast. How long were we at the lake? I had no clue, but what I do know is I'm going to have to go to sleep and see Eli. I was once again scared to, but I needed to see him and maybe I could see what he and my dad were talking about, I just hope it's not too late.

"I think I'm going to sleep," she started "I'm soo tired" Maddie said while stretching. "Yeah, me to" I said trying not to show any emoting in my voice. Maddie looked at me and just shrugged while lying down on the soft floor of the gazebo. I close my eyes waiting for sleep to over take me. To see that bright light that makes me 'pop' into the real world. It never came. I can't sleep; it just won't come and over take my mind. I try harder. Nothing. I'm guessing the harder you try to sleep the harder it actually is to do. I relax and soon start fading into sleep. I'm lost in my mind, and in the real world.

_The flash of light, now gone and I'm outside. Outside of the Goldsworthy's residence. I go up to the door, scared, wondering. How will this go? What will he look like? Is he over me, yet? More and more questions running though my mind as I bring my hand up to knock-I need to get use to this- My hand goes straight though it. I sigh and take a dramatic step through the door. The house looked the same from downstairs. I went in the living room to see bullfrog drinking a Coke and watching TV. He looked bored and tired. He had some major bags under his eyes. I went into the kitchen to see CeCe making a small dinner. I don't blame her if she hasn't cooked a real meal since my death. She was making fish sticks and Mac & cheese. It still smelt good even though I hate fish. My thoughts were interrupted by thumping or a base thing, like when music is up really loud. 'Eli' I though to myself. _

_I wanted to wave off and tell CeCe and Bullfrog I was going to see him. But I couldn't. I walked slowly up the stairs to hear the thumping of the base getting louder, and louder. I started hearing the words to the music, well almost. I got to Eli's door, scared of what I was going to see. I step though the door, eyes closed, holding my breath as if I needed to._

_I walk in, keeping my eyes shut. My ears ringing to the song ending and hurting when it starts again. I open my eyes. I remembered his room being a complete mess the first time, but I helped him and it started to, slowly, clear up where you could see the floor, well some of it. But now, I couldn't even see the floor. Piles and piles of junk. Pizza boxes and chine's take out boxes everywhere. The pizza and chine's boxes Eli and I shared... _

_I saw a picture of me, a picture of Julia. I saw stuff I couldn't even recognize. There was too much to even describe. Where was Eli? I looked over to the far side of his room where his bed usually was. There he was. Sitting there, knees pulled up to chest, head bowed. He was holding something. I walk over to him, slowly. I saw the picture. It was me and him. Sitting at our bench-As he called it- his right arm draped over my shoulders, my right hand holding his left one, fitting perfectly. I remember this picture so well. _

_Eli, Adam, and I were meeting up at the bench. Adam was bragging about his new camera that he though was the 'coolest thing ever.' "hey guys look" he said. Both Eli and I looked up. Adam snapped a picture of us. We had the most priceless expression on our faces so he took a second one. After arguing with Eli to smile and not do the smirk of his._

_I smiled when I got a better glance of the picture. I heard Eli mumbling something. "Clare" he sniffled "Clare, I miss you so much" he sniffled again. I wanted to say "I'm here Eli, I'm here" I wanted to hold him again, I wanted to feel his hand in mine, his kiss, his smell one last time, but I cant, and like my mother would always say, it's too late for regrets. Even though I was feeling some of it. _

_I sat down next to him-the bed not moving- and put my hands in my lap. He suddenly did a quick shake, like you do when you get cold chills. And he did. His arm a small little bumps all on it. I got up. They were gone. He lifted his head up and started crying, well balling. _

"_Eli" I said aloud knowing he can't hear me. He looked up again. "I… I can't be going crazy, I can't… I'm going crazy" he mumbled loud enough for me to hear over the music._

'_What?' I though to myself. 'He did not just hear me?' Eli stood up and slowly walked to his stereo and turned it down to a medium level. When he came back, instead of sitting on the bed, he went to the far corner of his room, where he was when he was talking to Adam. Pressed his back against the wall, and very slowly slid down it. _

_He suddenly started laughing, like a fake laugh, sarcastic. What is he doing? He soon started crying again. "Am I going crazy, Clare?" he spoke softly, but I still heard him. "What?" I said, aloud, still not knowing what was going on. He looked at me. I looked behind me to see if there was something there that he was talking to. There was nothing but a black wall with posters on them._

"_Can… can you see me?" I asked a bit too slowly than I planed. He looked down at his hand, blinked a few time, and looked back at me. "I think, I'm probably going crazy" he said. He started laughing once again. "Look at me. Talking to nothing" he said shaking his head. I just stood there shocked. Not knowing what to say. _

***hope this was okay? I had a lot of fun writing it and I hope you like reading it. **

**The convo they had is going to be in the next chapter.***

**ReAd&&ReViEw **


	7. Chapter 7

_Chapter 3- can you see me?_

***I hoped you liked the last chapter. And a little note, I will Not be updating like bi-weekly or whatever, I will update as soon as I finished a chapter so it could be a few hours, a day, or a week, it just depends* Read&&Review.. **

**Ps**

**What do you think of Maddie?**

After my little Eli incidence, I have been tense. We left the pond awhile ago. I could no longer take this silence…

"So, how did you die?" I asked Maddie trying to break the silence. It felt weird asking this question, it's not every day you go and ask someone how they died. "Huh? Oh, uh… well, my dad abused me. He'd slap me, and punch me. I've been in the hospital like six times because of him. A few weeks ago, when I died, he completely lost it. He got really drunk and beat me to death." she replied with a straight tone. "Oh…" was all I said. There was really not much I could say. "So, how did _you_ die?" she asked slowly. I licked my now dry lips not wanting to tell her the whole story. "I, um, I killed myself" I said sort of nervously. "Really? Why?" she asked shocked. "Well it was my, kinda, sort of, boyfriends fault. Well ex-boyfriend if you want to put it that way. I just couldn't take it anymore. All I needed was space and all he does is try to pull me closer. But I don't blame it _all_ on him. Just a year before his ex-girlfriend died. But that doesn't change anything. But it wasn't his entire fault either. My sister was the closest thing I had to family, but she moved halfway across the world. My mom and dad were always fighting-now there getting a divorce- and… yeah" I realized I was rambling; I stopped and took a breath. "It's a really long story" I ended. "It's okay, you don't have to tell it all, and I understand" she said glancing over at me. I just nodded and kept walked, still not know what it is that im looking for.

Soon it got dark and you knew it was night because it stayed dark for awhile. With the moon and stars as out only light we started walking to the gazebo in the middle of a wheat field. Halfway though the wheat field it started turning into water-told you this place was confusing but I was starting to get use to it- the strangest part of it, though, was I was walking on the water. We reached the gazebo. I was so tired. I laid down on the-now soft- ground of the gazebo. Closing my eyes and sleeping…

_What am I doing here, in Eli's room? Am I dreaming?_

"_Just go away…" I heard Eli's sad voice say. "No, Eli, I won't go. You need to get out of your room and do something for once" I heard Adam's voice. "No, Adam, I can't and I won't. Just go home and leave me alone!" Eli said annoyingly. 'What's going on?' I though to myself. "Adam, what's going on here?" I said walking up to him. He just stood there looking down at Eli. "Hello? Adam?" I said while waving my hand in front of his face. Huh? As I was still waving my hand in front of his face he reached up to itch his nose and before I could move my hand away, his hand went through my wrist. Wait what? "Eli, come on! It's been over a month! Clare is not coming back! Get yourself back together!" Adam shouted to Eli who was still on the floor. Then Eli looked up. His hair was a mess and he had bags under his eyes. He was a complete mess; I can't stand to see him like this. _

_Somehow Adam persuaded Eli to get up, get a shower and go out. When they left to where ever they were going I went with them, not that they would know…_

_They were going to The Dot. I slipped out the door before Adam shut it. When Eli walked in Adam followed suit, the door shut right on my face. But nothing happened I just went right through it. I then realized that im a ghost or something. No one can hear or see me. _

_Eli walked to the back of the café, into a booth where there are no windows. Adam walked over there and sat across from him. I had to; I had to sit by Eli. I had to be close to him one last time. I walked over to their booth and sat next to him. It was weird, as soon as I sat down he shivered and I saw goose bumps crawl up his arm-the weather was perfect in and outside- , strange. "Adam, I just don't know what to do, I can't get over her you know? She was so close to me. I just… I just…cant" he said that last part with a shaky voice then bowed his head in his arms and started-silently- crying choking on sobs after a minute. I can't do this._

_I walked to the door and out of instinct, I-tried- to grab it, but failed when my hand just went through it. I stepped through the door and blinked my eyes and realized that I had _woken up.

I rubbed my eyes and realized that it was not a dream but what was happening to Eli right now. I sat up and looked out only to see water, water everywhere. I was thinking about Eli once again. How he looked so horrid. How he seemed like he can't live a day without thinking or wanting me. I never realized how much he needed me. The last thing that went through my mind was how all of the sudden Eli got those goose-bumps. The weather was perfect even in the restaurant it felt good. Did he feel me? There's no way. I'm not a ghost, am I? That explains it. That explains how Eli could see- or hear- me. That day when he said my name. When he got those goose bumps. Maybe some of my unanswered and unasked questions will unravel and ill move on, maybe.

***okay I know, not my best chapter. When I was writing the chapter it sounded better in my head then it did on here. Anyways please review and ill love you forever (:* **


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter 8- I'm coming home_

***okay, I decided to make this the last chapter, not really much to say here just ReAd&&ReViEw please* **

**OMC (-oh my chambers- but you could had prolly figured that one out on your own) **

**I forgot to put these in the last chapters… well this goes for them all**

**-I do NOT own Degrassi or any of their characters even though I wish I did, especially Eli and Clare cause if I did they would be all lovey dovey right now and not heart broken and in the hospital, I also do NOT own 'The Lovely Bones' which is a really good movie, I recommend that you do watch it. But I DO own a best friend with a 'Munro Chambers' shirt in which one day I will either steal or make an even BETTER one-watch out boo-bear O_O- lol**

**Okay I'm done now…*nervous laugh*hehe… anyways please review… they make me happy :3 **

**Ps**

**This chapter may be short.**

I've made my decision. Today, I'm leaving the In-Between and heading my way to heaven. "Maddie? Are you ready?" I asked her. She looks at me and smiles, knowing exactly what I'm talking about "yeah. But the real question is, are you ready?" she asks me, still smiling, but more of a serious smile. "Yes, I am" I said with a small grin. We soon left the Gazebo and started walking a random direction.

"How do you know you're ready?" she started, but stopped walking "I'm just wondering." she looked down at the ground then at me. "I know I'm ready because Eli knows I still love him, and I know my family will be okay" I said with a smile on my face. "That's good" she said starting to walk again.

I saw the Sacred Tree in the distance. Not to far, nor close. Just far enough where you had to squint your eyes to see. The sky was clear, not a cloud in sight. It's a warm and beautiful day out. The perfect day for moving on, in my opinion. The Sacred Tree was getting closer and closer. Each step we took felt like ten feet. I no more think this place is weird because I have become use to it. The only question running through my mind is 'what is heaven like?' but we all have to figure that out on our own.

I imagine heaven being huge, never ending space. I imagine everyone in white gowns flowing past there feet, bright halo's over each and everyone's head. I imagine it being peaceful. No sounds of annoying traffic. I imagine people getting along, no fights, no drama, just friends. I imagine people being free, doing whatever they want to. But what I never, ever imagined was an In-Between.

The Sacred Tree was now yards away. Every step it gets closer and closer. "The timing is right. We should go, it's perfect." says Maddie. I hold out my hand, she looks at me with a joyful smile on her face, her smaller hand takes mine. When we get to the Sacred Tree a small white, yet very bright, light started to shine. Moments later it got bigger, and bigger, and bigger. Now it was like a portal you step through to get somewhere else, somewhere far away. And that's what we were doing. Getting as far away from Earth and the In-Between as we can, our only escape. Heaven.

I look down at her; I think she feels me looking at her because she squeezes my hand letting me know that it will be okay. We were about 20 feet from the portal, taking very small steps, 15 feet. Just a few more feet and we were going to step through. When we were about 10 feet from the portal the light shined on us. White, almost blinding, still holding Maddie's hand. The light sparkles at me feet, making my shoes disappear going up my body. My jeans soon turn into a long, white and flowing skirt, were still walking towards it. I look down at Maddie she's smiling the biggest smile ever the same thing happening to her. She slowly tosses her head back her hair, suddenly looking… beautiful. I look at myself. And just as I imagined it. I was wearing all white.

We were inches from the portal. I squeeze her hand, take a step and a very, very bright blinding light surrounds us. I close my eyes as the light gets brighter. I feel new, fresh. Reborn. I'm here. In heaven. I made it. I'm spending eternity here in the most wonderful place possible. My new life begins. Now.

***okay, I know I could have done this better but I'm to lazy to, I admit it, I'm a lazy person. Well the sequel will be much better. It will be in Eli's POV and I might throw Clare's dad POV in there, maybe even Adam, anyways please review and tell me what you think!***

**Ps**

**I know it's short, and I'm sorry about that.**


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